P.O.O.P. People Offended by Offended People

Citizens! Hear my words! The time has come for us to band together, to form a group the likes of which the world has never seen! We must join in solidarity to combat the tide of an evil force that threatens to consume us all ~ Excessively Vociferous Offended Lackwits (EVOL)!

Some common questions and answers:

What can I do to battle EVOL?

Great question! You can disregard any attempts by a member of EVOL to sway you in your normal actions. Beware the tactics they may employ - "You can't shove that down my throat!" "Those are your beliefs, not mine!" and the deadly "That offends me!"

That's all fine and good, but what do I do when confronted by EVOL?

Well, for starters, assume that the enemy is an idiot (they usually are). You have the advantage, you are guided by truth and fact, and they by "feelings." Let's put it like this: does a boxer take it easy on his opponent?

No.

Then why should you? A boxer beats the almighty Buddha out of his opponent, caring little for "offending" him. Why should you be any different? Your wit is the right hook, and the truth is a ferocious uppercut. Don't mince words; in fact, if possible, try to anger EVOL, as it will fluster and confuse them.

What do I do if they take issue with how I'm saying something, rather than what I am saying?

Point out the fact. It will throw off their defenses if they realize you are not swaying in your argument. Plus, it will make them feel more conscious of the stupidity of their argument or complaint. Tell them that it offends you that they are trying to force you to speak a certain way. They love to quote the Bill of Rights, so use that weapon against them; i.e. "I can say what I want, how I want; says so in the First Amendment." Hopefully, they will take this bait, and will try to re-interpret the First Amendment, which will open all sorts of avenues of destruction for them.

What do I do if they say that I have offended them, and they walk away?

Do NOT make cry-baby noises, no matter how tempted you may be. Instead, say something along the lines of "When you are ready to listen to the truth, I will be here." Or, if they turn their back, feign "offense" that they would commit such an affront, and beat them to the punch, storming away in a theatrical fashion, muttering about how rude it is to turn your back on someone during a conversation, or how you so graciously listened to their argument and they callously walked away from you in the middle of yours. That way, they end up feeling guilty (guilt is their single greatest weapon and weakness), and you will have won." http://www.theperfectamerican.com/p.o.o.p.htm

Z-blade

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